No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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