i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
