Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
