I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
