I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
