Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
