Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
