So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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