Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
