He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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