worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
