no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
