We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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