OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize