If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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