Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

why didn't you poke me back

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts

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(607): View more from New York

since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.

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(309): View more from Illinois

My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...

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(214): View more from Texas

I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.

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(804): View more from Virginia

At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.

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(703): View more from Virginia

THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE

(608): View more from Wisconsin

The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap

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