i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
