saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
this hospital has no fireball
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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