How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
