My Higher Power is John Stamos
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize