but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
