ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
