He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
As shirtless as possible
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
