if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
