any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
