A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize