I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
