I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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