I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
