the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
pop tarts are not kleenex
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i came on her dog
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
