Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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