WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
