Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
