another moral hangover. fuck.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
