Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sobbing to NWA
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
