is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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