just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
