its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize