his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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