A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Damn victory sex feels great
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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