You smell like a Billy Joel song
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
