remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize