My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
