it hurts more in the daytime
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
