Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize