I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
