i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
