Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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