I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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