It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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