my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
50% drunk capacity currently
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
