I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
