he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Everclear isn't food dammit
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
