I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
