I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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