Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
