What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
