If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize