She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
