I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
