sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
