this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
