My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize