is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
