I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
