Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
