Already got asked if we're dating
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
