I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
